Posted on 09.17.2005 at 19:11
How I feel: blah
What I'm listening to: benny boy
Leaf by Leaf and page by page
Throw this book away
All the sadness all the rage
Throw this book away
Rip out the binding and tear the glue
All of the grief we never even knew
We had it all along
Now its smoke
The things we've written in it
Never really happened
All of the people come and gone
Never really lived
All of the people have come have gone
No one to forgive smoke
We will not write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Here's an evening dark with shame
Throw it on the fire
here's the time I took the blame
Throw it on the fire
Here's the time we didn't speak
it seemed for years and years
Here's a secret
No one will ever know the
reasons for the tears
They are smoke
We will never write a new one
There will not be a new one
Another one, another one
Where do all the secrets live
They travel in the air
You can smell them when they burn
Those who say the past is not dead
Can stop and smell the smoke
You keep saying the past is not dead
Stop and smell the smoke
You keep on saying the past is not even past
And you keep saying
We are, smoke
ben is friggen amazing.
Posted on 09.10.2005 at 14:40
How I feel: annoyed
What I'm listening to: coldplay
gah, i hate when people try to make others pity them. seriously. it's soooo obnoxious. shut the hell up, you can do something about it. you're not helpless. if you don't like the current situation you're in, then change it. don't just sit there and have a pity party for yourself because NO ONE IS GOING TO SHOW. ugh, it's just soo annoying to me. we have made lots of efforts here, so.. i don't know what else to tell you. get off your ass and do something about it. stop mopping around. blaah.
and another thing.. i hate when people are like.. it's all their fault blah blah blah when CLEARLY it's you, not them. i don't get how a person can be so blind or in that much denial that you think it's them, not you. it's pathetic actually. i don't understand. it makes me really mad to. cuz they'll make it seem like.. oh bla bla bla they are doing this and this and it's like ahh.. no you're wrong. it's YOU. you're the one that sucks right now. why the hell are you doing this?
conclusion: girls need to stop being so goddamn dramaticccc.
but on a lighter note... i had an amazing night last night. it was so much fun. i've been having really good times since i've been here, i love it. and i can't wait to do it again tonight. but for now i must clean my room because i absolutely distroyed it last night when i got back. and i have a ton of homework to do because they like to just jump right in and give me two projects due this week. so.. i'll see ya later.
Posted on 08.25.2005 at 20:49
How I feel: thoughtful
i love it here so much, i really do. today the sun was sparkling on top of the water and boats were going by and it was just soo pretty. i can't believe we get to live at such a beautiful place for 9 months. even when the snow falls it remains so peaceful and pretty. but it's awesome in the summer.
i love the fall. i love the smells. like of wood stoves and sweet smells. pumpkins and foliage and the oranges and yellows and reds. i love the leaves falling and the crisp air. but i definetly don't want summer to come to an end. i love the warm weather and wearing flip flops 24/7. and it sucks because that means sooner or later it's going to start getting cold and the cold suuucks. at least i'll be in a nicely heated building. fucking maple was so cold. and stef was so hot and she would leave the window open. what a freak.
speaking of stef.. i miss having her around. and by that i mean.. it's lonely in a room without her. i mean i'm all by myself anyway so it's obviously gonna be lonely, but i miss stef. she should be with me. after all we're married. my room is awesome though. soo much better than the maple one. we have ac and carpets and clean bathrooms and new furniture. and i can't wait for sari to finally move in so the walls aren't so bare and ugly. i can't wait for everyone to finally move in. summer went by so fast. well.. actually not that fast. i did have a relaly good summer, but once i came back it feels like i never left. gah, i just absolutely love it here. i just hope it doesn't go downhill now that the freshmen are taking over.
i hate this seperate life you develop though in college. cuz i am so happy i'm back here, but all my friends are at home and i miss them already and i don't want to be missing out on anything and i wish we could all be like one big happy family hah. have the best of both worlds. alright well.. i guess that's enough rambling for now.
Posted on 08.18.2005 at 01:14
i love really really mature people. not that i should be one to talk because i am not mature either, but i'm a little better than this. correction, A LOT better than this. grow up.
Posted on 08.01.2005 at 15:24
How I feel: hungry
What I'm listening to: ben
i had a really enjoyable weekend.
thursday was the O.A.R. concert, which was a lot of fun. me kendra kate and lisa went, oh ya and allaire tagged along. they played at the pavillion, which is an amazing place for a concert. it's right on the water, the sun was setting and you could smell the salt air. and of course O.A.R. was incredible. accept some kid asked allaire if they could switch places so the kid could be next to me so we could dance together? not too sure about that. but allaire just HAD to go get water later on and the kid moved over to me. and when allaire came back i like moved over so he could get back in, and the kid wouldn't move! he stayed there next to me, and started talking to me. ya.. great place to pick up chicks, cuz i can totally hear you over the extremely quiet music playing in the background. but we all had fun. friday was very fun until about 1:00am. ugh, whatever i don't even want to think about it, sooo stupid. saturday was good. pool party with kristen, which is always good times. some pool fun, volleyball, and a little bit of food. very summer. sunday carolyn came :) we met up at the outlets (which i haven't been to since november to work) and it was buuusy. sooo glad i don't work there anymore. but everyone is leaving or already left RLF anyway. leigh is gone now, only one left is emily and she's done once she goes to school and hopefully will be working with me again! but anyway, i haven't been shopping there in years. i had no idea there was an aeropostle outlet in there now. we also went into katie's store to visit her. came back, had some dinner and hung out then she left and i watched CSI, which i love now. so other than parts of friday, it was a really good weekend.
Posted on 07.24.2005 at 19:28
How I feel: blah
What I'm listening to: foo fighters
ugh, i'm in such a shitty mood right now. i hate this. i hate feeling helpless, i wish there was something i could do, some way i could control the situation. ugh, i sound like my mom wanting to be in control. i feel bad, i really do. but there's nothing i can do about it so.. oh well. i'm just a sympathetic person, i can't help it. i hate things out of my control. not because i want to be IN control, but because i hate knowing there is nothing i can do to fix it. if a couple breaks up, i can't do anything about it, ya know? like if they are sad about it or whatever, i can't just make that feeling go away. so that makes me feel bad and sympathetic. or if someone doesn't like me or something, i can't change it. even if i like them and i don't want them to dislike me, i can't change how they feel. i hate situations like that. but, life doesn't work out perfectly (for some people, if your name is kate sullivan, everything works out for you). so i have to suck it up. still.. life really sucks sometimes.
Posted on 07.18.2005 at 15:51
for the record...
yesterday was awesome. kate and kristen came down to the cape to visit me and it was much needed. it's only been a little over a week with the fam. in tight quarters and it's... not so good all the time. but we just went to the beach and tanned and sat around and chatted. then i went home and we went out to applebees and were big dorks. and i got awesome presents. so thank you for making it a really good day :)
overall it was a good bday. i got an ipod from my mom which is awesome. and pam got me a cute purse. and i got a bunch of phone calls and messages, so thanks for those too! too bad 19 isn't like a special year. who even cares about 19 anyway? oh well, one year older, one year closer to legal age.
i can't waaaaait for school to start, by the way. i have a little over a month to go still but i'm getting eager. i want to move and settle in and decorate and see everyone and just be in school mode and chill out without parents and responsibilities. not that i'm dying to get out of here, i'm having a good summer, but i'm ready for school.
"hey everyone.. come see how good i look." haha, i wish i got anchorman for my bday. that movie is awesome.
Posted on 07.12.2005 at 20:33
What I'm listening to: gilmore girls on tv
so im home. for 24 hours. cape has been really good so far. but i can't wait until andrew comes up because the 16 year olds don't cut it for me all day everyday. neither do the parents. hopefully i'll have visitors come up too, we'll see. but yeah, it's been beautiful and i am on my way to full blown mexican. oh yeah.. i'm home because tomorrow i have to work. I KNOW RIGHT?! the day of my birthday, i have to come home to work. booo. but it's like an important team building day or whatever, and it's money so i'll look on the positive side. tonight is a good tv night and we don't have cable at the house so good thing i'm home to watch gilmore girls and real world. i guess that's it.. so i'll update probably once i come back.
Posted on 07.04.2005 at 15:01
How I feel: sick
i'm pretty sure the funniest moment of the night last night was when those two girls fell into the water off the wall. even funnier than the guy who fell off the dock. because that was coming when 50 gajillion people were on there. haha oh well. the fireworks were really pretty off the water. there was a little drama, but hey, what kind of night like that doesn't have some drama in it? no sweat, everything was fine. i can't decide what was better, this 4th of july or last years 4th of july... i mean, when you see a girl walk straight into a wall, you can't help but pee your pants laughing haha. and there were no walking into walls this year, kind of a let down haha. oh yeah i forgot, last year we went to marthas vinyard and saw the WEE HOOS. haha wow, that seems like sooo long ago. i can't believe it's already july, like it doesn't seem right that we're this far into summer. it doesn't even seem like i left school that long ago, but it's been over two months. alright, time to cook up some yummy dogs and burgers that i love OH SO MUCH.. see ya later.
Posted on 06.16.2005 at 15:04
so i'm on the way to the highway and this stupid ass guy is behind me. and you have to merge to the left, so we're waiting but gay guy thought he'd be cool to just pass everyone on the left... even though you can't because it's one lane. that's fine. so then we're driving and i see him up ahead in the left lane, which is the lane to go straight through the light. but he wants to go right, so he cuts off all the cars in the right lane to go right. what a fucking ass. buuuuuuuut... a cop was right at the corner and he pulled him over!! hahahaha stupid ass. that's what you get for being a shithead. ugh, i hate mass. drivers more and more.